Understanding Attachment-Based Therapy: Building Stronger Relationships

Oct 2

Ever feel like your relationships are stuck in a loop? You know, the same old arguments, the same misunderstandings? It often comes down to how we connect with people, influenced by our early experiences. This is where attachment-based therapy comes in. It's all about understanding those patterns and learning to build stronger, more secure bonds. It might sound complicated, but really, it's about making your connections feel better and more reliable. We'll look at how these early styles shape us and how therapy can help rewrite those scripts for healthier relationships.

Key Takeaways

Understanding your attachment style, whether secure, anxious, dismissive, or fearful-avoidant, is the first step toward healthier relationships.
Attachment-based therapy explores how childhood experiences influence adult behaviors and emotions, helping to identify and change negative patterns.
Techniques like journaling, open communication, and seeking professional help are vital tools for improving attachment and emotional well-being.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) specifically targets relationship distress by focusing on emotional bonds and attachment needs, aiming to create secure connections.
Attachment healing leads to better relationship satisfaction, improved individual emotional health, and a stronger mind-body connection.

Understanding Your Attachment Style

Think about how you tend to act when things get a little rocky in your relationships. It's not always obvious, but the way we connect with people, especially in romantic partnerships, often comes down to our attachment style. This style isn't something you're born with in stone; it's really shaped by your early experiences, particularly with your primary caregivers. These early interactions create a sort of blueprint for how you expect relationships to work, and how you behave when you feel close or when you feel threatened.

The Four Core Attachment Styles

Most people fall into one of four main categories. Knowing which one sounds most like you is the first step to understanding your relationship patterns.

Secure Attachment: If you have a secure attachment style, you generally feel comfortable with closeness and independence. You trust your partners, communicate your needs openly, and can handle conflict without it derailing the relationship. You likely believe you're worthy of love and that others are generally reliable.
Anxious Attachment: People with an anxious style often worry about their relationships. They might crave a lot of closeness and reassurance, and sometimes fear their partner will leave. This can lead to seeking constant validation or feeling overly dependent. You might find yourself needing a lot of confirmation that you're loved and valued.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: If this sounds like you, you probably value your independence and might feel uncomfortable with too much emotional closeness. You might tend to suppress your feelings or appear emotionally distant. Self-reliance is important, and you might shy away from showing vulnerability.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: This style is a bit of a mix. You might want closeness but also fear getting hurt, leading to a push-and-pull dynamic. It can be confusing for both you and your partner, as you might desire intimacy but then pull away when it gets too close.

Recognizing Your Own Patterns

So, how do you figure out which style fits you best? It's about paying attention to your reactions in relationships. Do you tend to overthink things? Do you avoid difficult conversations? Do you constantly seek reassurance? Sometimes, just noticing these recurring behaviors is a big clue. Think about past relationships – were there similar issues or patterns that kept popping up? Understanding these patterns is the first real step toward making changes.

Impact on Adult Relationships

Your attachment style really does shape how you interact with partners, friends, and even family. If you have an anxious style, you might find yourself constantly seeking reassurance or worrying about your partner's feelings. If you're avoidant, you might pull away when things get too intense, leaving your partner feeling shut out. These patterns aren't necessarily bad, but they can create friction and misunderstanding if you're not aware of them. They can affect how you communicate, how you handle conflict, and how you experience intimacy. Recognizing your style helps you understand why you react certain ways and opens the door to building healthier connections.

The Foundation of Attachment-Based Therapy

Attachment-based therapy really digs into how our early relationships shape the way we connect with people later on. It's not just about what happened when we were kids, but how those experiences created patterns that we might still be following today. Think of it like a blueprint; the early stuff laid down the framework for how we expect relationships to work.

Exploring Early Relationship Dynamics

This part of the therapy is all about looking back at those first important connections, usually with parents or primary caregivers. The idea is to see how well our needs for safety, comfort, and attention were met. When these needs are consistently met, we tend to develop a secure attachment style. But if they weren't, or if the care was unpredictable, we might develop what's called an insecure attachment style. This can show up in a few ways:

Secure Attachment: Feeling comfortable with closeness and independence, trusting others easily.
Anxious Attachment: Worrying about abandonment, needing a lot of reassurance, and sometimes feeling clingy.
Avoidant Attachment: Valuing independence, feeling uncomfortable with too much closeness, and often keeping emotions private.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: A mix of wanting closeness but also fearing it, leading to a push-and-pull dynamic.

Understanding which style you lean towards is a big step. It helps explain why certain situations in adult relationships feel so intense or difficult.

Connecting Past Experiences to Present Behavior

Once we have a clearer picture of our early dynamics and attachment style, the next step is to see how that connects to what's happening now. For example, if you had a caregiver who was often unavailable, you might find yourself in adult relationships where you either constantly seek validation or push people away when they get too close. It's like your past experiences have programmed certain reactions. Therapy helps you spot these automatic responses. It's not about blaming anyone; it's about recognizing that these patterns were survival strategies that might not be serving you anymore. We look at how these old blueprints might be causing misunderstandings or conflict in your current relationships.

Developing Healthier Attachment Patterns

The good news is that attachment styles aren't set in stone. Therapy provides a safe space to start building new patterns. This often involves learning to communicate your needs more directly, understanding your emotional reactions, and practicing new ways of relating to others. A therapist can act as a guide, helping you to slowly change those old, unhelpful ways of connecting. It's about creating what are called "corrective emotional experiences" – moments in therapy where you can experience a different, more supportive kind of interaction. Over time, these new experiences can help rewire your brain's expectations about relationships, leading to more secure and fulfilling connections.

Key Approaches in Attachment Healing

When we talk about healing attachment issues, it's not just one thing. It's more like a toolbox with different tools, and you pick the ones that fit your situation best. The goal is to mend those early bonds that shape how we connect with people now. It’s about understanding why we react certain ways and then learning to do things differently.

Attachment-Based Therapy Explained

This is where we really dig into how your early relationships, especially with your primary caregivers, set up a kind of blueprint for how you connect with others today. Therapists help you look at those childhood experiences and see how they might be playing out in your adult relationships. It’s like finding the root of a pattern so you can change it. You learn to spot unhealthy ways of relating and start building healthier ones. The therapist guides you, offering ways to create more secure connections.

Trauma-Focused Interventions

For a lot of people, attachment problems are tied to past trauma. Trauma-focused therapy directly addresses these difficult experiences. Techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help process traumatic memories, lessening their emotional impact. This approach helps people move past what happened, which really helps in building more stable relationships.

Enhancing Emotional Regulation Skills

Being able to manage your emotions is a big part of healing. Emotional regulation means recognizing what you're feeling and knowing how to handle it, especially when things get tough. Therapy teaches skills like mindfulness or specific coping strategies. These tools help you deal with conflicts and relationship stress in a more constructive way, leading to better interactions overall. Learning to manage your emotional responses is key to breaking negative cycles.

Techniques for Cultivating Secure Attachment

Building secure attachment isn’t something that happens overnight, but there are clear steps anyone can start taking. These techniques aren’t magic formulas, but they do lay the groundwork for healthier, more trusting relationships—both with others and with yourself. Let’s get into each one.

The Power of Journaling for Self-Awareness

Journaling might sound like keeping a high school diary, but it’s much more than that. Writing regularly about your feelings, reactions, and relationship experiences helps you spot old patterns and triggers that keep showing up. Sometimes it’s only after reading back over your entries that you understand, "Oh, that’s why I got so upset last week."

Try this simple approach:

Start with just five minutes, jotting down what happened today that felt important or difficult emotionally.
Highlight moments when you felt especially close to someone, or really distant.
At the end of the week, review what you wrote. Look for repeated triggers or thoughts.

Journaling isn’t about fixing things right away, but it gives you a way to get honest with yourself, which paves the way for actual change.

Practicing Honest and Open Communication

Insecure attachment usually leads to dancing around tough topics, hiding your real feelings, or walking on eggshells. Shifting toward secure attachment means practicing direct and honest conversation—even when it’s awkward.

Here’s how you might start:

Notice what you’re feeling before you speak. (Are you nervous? Angry? Afraid of rejection?)
Use "I" statements—things like, "I felt lonely when you canceled our plans." This keeps blame out of the equation.
Listen as much as you talk. Let your partner or friend share their side, and try repeating back what you hear.

When you risk being honest, you learn if someone else is safe—and you give them a chance to understand and meet your needs.

Seeking Professional Guidance for Healing

Sometimes, no matter how much we journal or practice talking things out, old wounds get in the way. That’s where reaching out for professional help makes sense. Therapists trained in attachment-based approaches can help you connect the dots between your past and present, spot unhelpful patterns, and try out new ways of relating in a safe context.

Typical steps in therapy might include:

Exploring your early family history and past relationships
Learning emotional regulation tools to calm your body and mind
Practicing new ways to ask for support or set boundaries

Therapy isn’t just about talking through problems—it’s about experiencing a caring, reliable relationship so you can update your internal blueprint for connection.

Working on secure attachment is a process, and you don’t have to master every technique right away. Start small—journal one night, try opening up another day, or reach out to a therapist if you feel stuck. Safe, steady relationships are built through consistent, honest effort.

Addressing Attachment Issues in Relationships

When relationships hit rough patches, it's often not about the small stuff like chores or who forgot to pick up milk. More often, it's about how we connect, or don't connect, on a deeper emotional level. Our earliest experiences with caregivers shape how we approach intimacy and trust as adults. If those early connections were shaky, it can lead to patterns that make adult relationships feel difficult. Think of it like having a faulty blueprint for building something important – it's hard to make it strong.

Understanding these patterns is the first step toward building something more stable.

Here's a look at how therapy helps sort this out:

How Therapy Facilitates Attachment Healing

Therapy provides a safe space to look at how your past experiences with caregivers might be influencing your current relationships. It's not about blaming anyone; it's about understanding why you react certain ways. Therapists help you identify these patterns, like a tendency to withdraw when things get tough or to constantly seek reassurance. By recognizing these habits, you can start to change them. This process often involves talking through difficult feelings and learning new ways to express needs and respond to your partner. It's about creating a more secure base for each other.

The Role of Corrective Emotional Experiences

Sometimes, the best way to heal old wounds is through new, positive experiences. In therapy, this can happen in a few ways. First, the relationship you build with your therapist can be a corrective experience itself. A good therapist offers consistent support and understanding, which might be something you didn't get enough of in the past. Second, therapy helps you create these experiences within your relationship. You learn to have conversations you might have avoided, to be vulnerable in a way that feels safe, and to respond to your partner's needs with more empathy. These moments, where you connect differently than you used to, start to rewrite the old, unhelpful scripts.

Building Trust and Predictability

Trust isn't built overnight, especially if past experiences have made it hard to rely on others. In attachment-focused therapy, building trust often comes down to creating predictability in how you interact. This means showing up consistently, both emotionally and behaviorally. When you can express your feelings openly and know your partner will listen with care, or when you can rely on your partner to be there when you're struggling, that builds a strong sense of security. It's about creating a reliable pattern of connection. This consistent, positive interaction helps to mend ruptures and create a relationship where both partners feel safe and valued. You can learn more about how couples communication therapy works to achieve this here.

The Emotional Foundation of Connection

Think about it: what really holds a relationship together when things get tough? It's not just shared hobbies or good conversation, though those are nice. It's the deep-down feeling of being connected, of truly mattering to someone else. This emotional bedrock is built through how we talk to each other, how we show up when things are hard, and how we make each other feel safe.

Communication as the Cornerstone of Relationships

Communication is more than just exchanging information. It's about sharing your inner world and making sure your partner feels heard and understood. When partners can talk openly about their feelings, their fears, and their needs, they build a strong connection. This isn't always easy. Sometimes, we get stuck in cycles where one person pushes for closeness and the other pulls away. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to changing them. Effective communication means being able to express yourself honestly while also really listening to your partner's perspective. It’s about creating a space where both people feel seen and valued, even when you don't agree.

Creating Emotional Safety for Intimacy

Intimacy, the kind that really matters, can only grow in an environment where both people feel safe to be vulnerable. This means sharing your worries, your insecurities, and your deepest hopes without fear of judgment or rejection. When you can do this, and your partner responds with care and understanding, it creates a powerful bond. This kind of safety isn't built overnight; it's a result of consistent, respectful interactions. It’s about knowing that your partner has your back, especially when you’re feeling your worst. This safety allows you to be your true self, which is the only way to build lasting closeness.

Fostering Deeper Understanding Through Dialogue

Dialogue is where the real work of connection happens. It’s not just about talking, but about actively trying to grasp what your partner is experiencing. This involves asking questions, reflecting back what you hear, and showing genuine curiosity about their inner world. When you can do this, you move beyond surface-level disagreements and start to understand the deeper emotional needs that drive your interactions. This kind of understanding can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth, making your relationship stronger and more resilient.

Navigating Communication Challenges

Sometimes, it feels like you and your partner are speaking different languages, even when you're talking about the same thing. This isn't usually because you don't love each other; it's more about how we express ourselves and how we hear each other. Many relationship problems pop up not from a lack of caring, but from missed signals and ways of talking that just don't work.

Understanding Pursuer-Withdrawal Dynamics

One common pattern we see is the "pursuer-withdrawer" dance. One person wants more connection, maybe asking for reassurance or wanting to talk things out. The other person feels overwhelmed or needs space, so they pull back. This can create a cycle where the pursuer feels ignored, and the withdrawer feels pressured. It's like a feedback loop that can get pretty intense.

Pursuer: Often feels anxious about the connection, fears abandonment, and seeks closeness or reassurance.
Withdrawer: Often feels overwhelmed by demands, fears losing independence, and seeks space or autonomy.
The Cycle: The pursuer's attempts to connect can feel like pressure to the withdrawer, leading them to pull away more. This withdrawal then triggers more anxiety and pursuit from the other partner.

Learning Active Listening Skills

Really listening is more than just waiting for your turn to speak. It means giving your partner your full attention, trying to understand their feelings and what's behind their words. When you do this, you show them that what they're experiencing matters to you. This builds trust and makes it easier to connect.

Here are some ways to practice active listening:

Put distractions away: Turn off the TV, put down your phone. Give your partner your undivided attention.
Make eye contact: This shows you're engaged and present.
Reflect back what you hear: Try saying things like, "So, it sounds like you're feeling frustrated because..." This confirms you're understanding them.
Ask clarifying questions: If something isn't clear, ask, "Can you tell me more about what you mean by that?"

Transforming Negative Emotional Patterns

When we get stuck in negative cycles, it's easy to feel like you're always fighting. But these patterns aren't set in stone. By learning to recognize the early signs of a conflict escalating, you can choose a different response. This often means tapping into the softer emotions, like fear or sadness, that might be hidden under anger or defensiveness. Shifting from anger to vulnerability can completely change the conversation. When one partner can express a deeper need, and the other can respond with empathy, it creates a new, positive interaction. These moments are like building blocks for a stronger, more secure connection.

The Impact of Attachment on Emotional Well-being

How we connect with others, especially from a young age, really shapes how we feel about ourselves and the world. It’s like an invisible thread that influences our emotional state throughout life. If those early connections felt safe and reliable, we tend to feel more secure and confident. But if they were shaky or unpredictable, it can lead to a lot of inner turmoil.

Secure vs. Insecure Attachment Effects

People with a secure attachment style generally feel good about themselves and trust that others will be there for them. This often translates into better emotional regulation and a greater ability to handle stress. They can usually express their needs clearly and feel comfortable with both closeness and independence in relationships. On the flip side, insecure attachment styles – like anxious or avoidant – can make things much harder. Anxious attachment might mean constantly worrying about being abandoned, leading to a lot of emotional ups and downs. Avoidant attachment can lead to pushing people away to keep a sense of independence, which can feel lonely.

Emotional Cycles and Relationship Distress

These attachment patterns often create repeating cycles in relationships. Think about the common pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. One person might feel anxious and try to get closer, while the other feels overwhelmed and pulls back. This push-and-pull can feel like a constant battle, leaving both partners feeling misunderstood and disconnected. It’s not usually about a lack of love, but more about how each person’s attachment needs are being met, or not met, within the relationship. When these cycles go unaddressed, they can really wear down the emotional well-being of everyone involved.

How Negative Patterns Emerge

Negative patterns often start when core emotional needs aren't consistently met. For instance, if a child’s attempts to get comfort are often ignored or met with frustration, they might learn that expressing vulnerability doesn't work. As adults, this can manifest as difficulty trusting partners or a tendency to shut down during conflict. These learned responses, while perhaps helpful for survival at one point, can hinder healthy connection later on. Understanding these origins is a big step toward changing them, and attachment healing therapy can offer a path to that change.

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Lasting Change

The Core Principles of EFT

Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, is a structured approach that really digs into what makes relationships tick, or sometimes, what makes them stop ticking. It's built on the idea that our need for connection is as basic as needing air. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT looks at emotions not as problems, but as guides to our deepest needs, especially when it comes to feeling safe and secure with our partners. Think of it like this: when that sense of connection feels shaky, we often react in ways that push our partner further away, even though we desperately want to be closer. EFT helps couples see these patterns, often called "attachment protests," and understand the feelings underneath them.

Weaving Attachment Theory into Practice

Attachment theory is the backbone of EFT. It suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape how we connect with people later in life. If those early bonds were secure, we tend to feel confident in our relationships. But if they were shaky, we might struggle with trust or fear abandonment. EFT uses this understanding to help couples see how their past might be influencing their present interactions. It's about recognizing that those arguments about who left the dishes out might really be about feeling unseen or unloved. By exploring these deeper emotional currents, couples can start to build a more secure connection.

Understanding Relationship Distress as Bond Disruption

EFT views relationship problems not just as communication breakdowns, but as disruptions in the emotional bond between partners. When that bond feels threatened, couples often fall into negative cycles. One common one is the "pursuer-withdrawer" dynamic, where one person tries to get closer by pushing, and the other pulls away to create space. EFT helps couples identify these cycles and understand that they aren't personal attacks, but rather, attempts to get a need met. The therapy then guides them to express those underlying needs and fears in a way that the other partner can hear, leading to a more secure and connected relationship. Studies show that EFT helps a large majority of couples move past their distress and maintain those improvements long-term.

Stages of Transformation in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy, especially when it focuses on attachment, isn't just about talking through problems. It's more like a journey with distinct phases, each designed to help you and your partner build a stronger connection. Think of it as a roadmap to a more secure and understanding relationship.

Creating Emotional Safety and De-escalation

This first part is all about calming things down. When couples first come in, they're often stuck in cycles of arguing or shutting down. The main goal here is to stop the fighting from getting worse and to create a space where both of you feel safe enough to talk. It’s about understanding the patterns that keep you stuck, like one person always chasing for more connection while the other pulls away. We look at what’s really going on underneath the surface – maybe fear of not being good enough or worry about being left alone. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but about seeing how these old patterns play out.

Identify Negative Cycles: Recognizing the familiar arguments and reactions that lead to disconnection.
Access Underlying Emotions: Moving past anger or defensiveness to express deeper feelings like fear or sadness.
Reframe the Problem: Understanding that conflicts are often about unmet attachment needs, not just surface issues.

Building New Bonds Through Restructuring

Once the immediate intensity has decreased, the focus shifts to building something new. This is where you actively practice different ways of interacting. It’s about learning to reach out to your partner in a way that feels safe and being able to respond with care when they do. This often involves sharing vulnerable feelings and needs, and the other partner learning to listen and offer support. It’s like learning a new language for your relationship, one that’s built on trust and understanding.

Expressing Vulnerability: Sharing deeper emotions and needs in a way that invites connection.
Practicing Empathetic Responses: Learning to truly hear and validate your partner’s feelings.
Creating Bonding Interactions: Engaging in new ways of connecting that strengthen the emotional bond.

Consolidating Gains for Long-Term Success

The final stage is about making sure the changes stick. You’ve learned new skills and built a stronger connection, but now it’s about maintaining that momentum. This involves planning for future challenges and reinforcing the new patterns you’ve established. It’s about feeling confident that you can handle life’s ups and downs together, using your stronger bond as a foundation. The goal is to create a relationship that can weather storms and continue to grow.

Reinforce New Patterns: Practicing and integrating new communication and connection skills into daily life.
Develop Future Strategies: Creating plans for how to handle disagreements and stress in healthy ways.
Maintain Secure Attachment: Building confidence in the relationship’s ability to provide ongoing safety and support.

Benefits of Attachment-Focused Healing

When you work through attachment issues, it really changes things for the better. It's not just about fixing problems in your relationships, though that's a big part of it. You start to feel more stable inside, too. Think about it: when you know you can rely on others and be relied upon, it takes a lot of the worry away. This can lead to feeling less anxious overall and more confident in how you handle life.

Improved Relationship Satisfaction

This is probably the most obvious benefit. People who go through attachment healing often report feeling much more connected to their partners. They get better at talking about what they need and understanding what their partner needs. This means fewer arguments about the small stuff and more quality time together. It's like finally getting the instruction manual for your relationship.

Better communication: You learn to express yourself clearly without making the other person defensive.
Deeper emotional connection: You feel more understood and can offer understanding more easily.
Conflict resolution: Disagreements become opportunities to grow closer, not reasons to pull apart.

Enhanced Individual Well-being

It's not just about couples, though. When you heal your attachment patterns, you feel better as a person. You might find that things that used to trigger big emotional reactions don't affect you as much anymore. This can mean less stress, less worry, and a generally more positive outlook. You start to feel more secure in yourself, independent of anyone else.

Positive Mind-Body Connection

There's a real link between how we feel emotionally and how our bodies function. When you're constantly stressed or anxious because of insecure attachment, it can take a toll physically. Healing these patterns can lead to better sleep, a stronger immune system, and just a general feeling of being more at ease in your own skin. It's like your whole system starts to relax when your emotional world feels more settled.

Attachment-focused healing can really help you build stronger, safer relationships. It's about understanding how your early connections shape your current ones. This approach helps mend past hurts and create more secure bonds. Want to learn more about how this can help you? Visit our website today to discover the path to healthier connections.

Wrapping Up: Building Better Bonds

So, we've talked a lot about how our early experiences shape how we connect with people today. Understanding your own attachment style is a big step, and it’s totally okay if it feels a bit complicated at first. Remember, it’s not about blaming anyone, but about figuring out what makes relationships tick – or sometimes, what makes them stumble. By learning about these patterns, whether it's through journaling, talking things out, or even working with a professional, you're already on the path to building stronger, more secure connections. It takes time and practice, but getting a handle on attachment is really about creating more fulfilling relationships, both with others and with yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions

What exactly is attachment-based therapy?

Attachment-based therapy is a way to understand how your early relationships, especially with your parents or caregivers, shaped how you connect with people now. It helps you see how those past experiences might be affecting your current relationships and feelings. The goal is to help you build healthier ways of relating to others.

What are the main types of attachment styles?

There are generally four main styles. 'Secure' means you feel comfortable being close to others and also being independent. 'Anxious' means you might worry a lot about being left and often seek reassurance. 'Dismissive' means you tend to value independence and might avoid getting too close. 'Fearful-avoidant' is a mix, where you want closeness but are also afraid of getting hurt.

How does childhood attachment affect adult relationships?

Your early attachment style acts like a blueprint for future relationships. If you felt safe and cared for as a child, you're more likely to have secure relationships as an adult. If your needs weren't met or you experienced difficult things, you might find yourself repeating certain patterns, like worrying too much about abandonment or avoiding closeness.

Can attachment issues be fixed or improved?

Yes, absolutely! Attachment-based therapy is designed to help you heal. By understanding your patterns and learning new ways to communicate and connect, you can develop a more secure attachment style. It takes effort and time, but it's definitely possible to build stronger, healthier relationships.

What kind of things happen in attachment therapy sessions?

In therapy, you'll talk about your past experiences and how they influence your present. You'll learn to recognize your own patterns and feelings. Therapists might use different methods, like helping you process difficult memories or teaching you skills for managing emotions and communicating better with loved ones.

Is journaling helpful for attachment issues?

Journaling can be a really useful tool. Writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you understand yourself better and spot patterns in your relationships. It's a private way to explore your emotions and track your progress as you work on healing your attachment style.

What is the 'pursuer-withdrawer' dynamic?

This is a common pattern in relationships where one person tries to get closer or seeks more connection (the pursuer), while the other person feels overwhelmed and pulls away or avoids the situation (the withdrawer). It often happens when people have different attachment styles and can lead to a lot of conflict if not understood.

How does therapy help create 'corrective emotional experiences'?

A corrective emotional experience happens when you have a new, positive interaction that helps heal old emotional wounds. In therapy, a supportive therapist or partner responds to your needs with empathy and understanding, which is different from how you might have been treated in the past. This helps your brain learn that relationships can be safe and nurturing.

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